It had been a long time since (the last time) she
intended to spend her time around me. There was certain closeness between us,
and consistently it was melted like ice. The affection and closeness towards me
were gradually decreased. It might because she thought that her closeness with me
would lead an awkward moment in front of others. At times, she giggled at me
whenever she saw me with someone else. Especially, when the time her brother or
sister was spending their time with me. Nowadays, she seldom looked at me, and it
didn't stand up to a minute.
It was one of those days, when the sunshine was
peeking through the curtains and fell into the eyes. I peeled my eyes open;
cool breeze was hitting my face, and I felt blissful. I saw her, next to
me; she was relentlessly wandering inside the house. She was getting ready
to go to the expedition, and I was keeping my eyes on her. I was like
"Why doesn't gaze at me?" but she didn't move her eyeball to my
side. Until the time, she was fleeting into the door. She didn't have a
single second to glance at me. I reminisced; it was not the first time; she
eschewed me in that way. Primordially, she didn't treat me like this way.
I glimpsed through memoirs at the time, when I
stepped into her bare hands. I couldn't describe the happiness what I saw on her
face on that day. I didn't forget the excitement in her altruistic
eyes and dazzling smile upon her lips. Those were the days; I
was like a pedestal, and she spent her most of the time with me. It was hard to
see her anywhere without my presence. Moreover, she treated me like her kid and
dressed me almost every day. She didn't care about "What I liked to
wear?" Or "What I wanted to do?” Despite, I had given prior
consequence to her happiness, and I was pretending as a mirror.
She always kept me on the right side of her bed and
shared all her happiness, sadness and bitterness. She didn't forget to sing a
lullaby in the late night. Almost every day, she sang this song in
her bed.
You and I; just like a star and the moon in the sky,
I vow; my affection for you is like sunshine; will
never diminish,
I smile for you; you smile for me; we smile
for us;
Hold my hand; let’s step into a new saga called
dream;
You and I; just like a star and the moon in
the sky
I thought her affection towards me, was like sunshine. She cared me day and night; I didn't even care about my joyfulness. I smiled for her, cried for her and her happiness was my passion. Lately, I knew, it was just like a light from candles. Everything was changed, when she had grown up. She had thrown me out of her life and even didn't have an interest to look back at me.
Unforeseen, I felt the sound of a door opening; she
came back to the home as it was raining. She stared at me and came forward to
me, but she was watching the rain through the window nearby me. The rain drops
splattered on my eyes through the window, and it was like tears rolling down
from my eyes. She was watching outside, and I asked her "My name is Doll,
Do you remember me?" |
| Girl holding moon |
I sit here; now and then I can't stop staring at you,
I have sought you out to give a clue, why are you far away?
Can I come near you? My ferocious
mind doesn't have a word to conquer;
Let's move into an era of eternal life
into ecstasy;
I sit here; now and then I can't stop thinking
about you,
You resist; endure all the pains, never see you
sad.
I wonder how you wear a flawless smile all the time.
With your shrewdness, you grasp all my worries; soar it away.
I sit here; now and then I can't
stop mesmerizing to be by your side,
You oughta know how much you're beloved to me.
You are enigmatic and
enchanting; just like a dream come alive.
I am bewildered by the grandeur of your magnetic beauty.
I sit here; now and then I can't
stop falling for you,
Howbeit my eyes move away from you; I feel
obsolete;
As my thoughts get deeper and deeper, let me know.
How do I get you by my side? I'm a bit
confused by your silence.
The day I was walking through the
land of strangers, my mind was disseminated by the ambient scenery and
step-by-step moved towards the monster's land. As I was standing in front
of void deck and stared at those heads who were rushing along the road. I had
been asking myself "where are they going?" Even they didn't have the
time to see who was passing them. I wondered, "Whether they have an
appointment with God?" I nodded and slowly walked towards the place, where
my eyes were witnessing a crowd with an expectation "I will talk with
someone". When I was near that environment, I realized it was a children's
park. 
I crawled my feet into the park; my
conscience had an intuition, like "I'm a bit familiar with this place, and
these people will feel me amiable one". I saw two kids were playing
in the sand with their plastic toys, few of the kids on see-saw and a sibling
on the swing. Before I began my walk, I had a really good time with an unknown
kid who gave me flying kiss even, and it was the reason for the intuition. I
was surprised; none of the kids were looking at me, but all my visual were with
them. I remembered the words of my friend "these people won't talk
with us easily" and told myself, which includes kids too.
When the time I was
moving away from the playing area, I didn't forget to leave my smile on those
candid faces. I thought to go back to my room until I was stopped by an old man
who might be in his 70s. He inquired about me; I was precisely answering
for all his questions without any hesitation. Lately, I was trapped
into his discourse and shot by his series of questions. I knew well; a
good conversation starts with a lot of questions, and I was virtually realizing
it from him. Despite, Initially I never dared to raise a question. Time
consumed, I started to ask my questions, and he interpreted everything in his
own ways and ideas.
He talked a lot
about his culture, people, and lifestyle, told me about his wife, family and
friends. He didn't forget to ask about my religion, culture, and as well about
God. I was quite surprised by that kind of question, puzzled in some way, and I
didn't expect either. He was talking at the regular intervals; I whispered
myself. "Will I talk to any stranger like him?" And sighed,
"I won't". Apparently, I was looking for a talk with anyone
before I started my walk; during the conversation with him, I felt, "It's
enough for today".
Moreover, we were talking for more than twenty-odd
minutes, finally; we were about to leave. He asked my mobile number and
exclaimed: "I was a pastor, and I would like to invite you for Bible
reading, people gathering and so on". I gave my number to him.
However, on the other hand, my mind was filled by happiness as I didn't inform
about "I'm an atheist". When I knew, he was a pastor, I doubted it
might pave way for a debate, but blissfully I didn't tell him. We were tending
away from each other and walked to our place. After some distance, I
turned, and looked at him revived "Whether he is God's man or
God-man"
When the moon showed its face;
luminous stars were fading away
Clouds entwined together to sweep
off, got ready for a riot
The road was impassable thro' the rain; staying away from the drizzle
I creep-ed to the lawn of the
endanger streets; sat alone
A vendor in the street, she turned
her melancholy eyes on me,
I realized a baby girl tangled in her arm; passionately she tried to nourish
She soaked in the drizzling rain;
showed the sign of poverty
And covered the bare head of her
baby; assortment got wet
My torn-mind kept rattling, my
heart popped-out like a snake's head
It was getting dark; the moon tried to hide behind a cloud
I lingered the moon; to show
brightness to her; it cheat-ed me
Thou' I would try to offer a help;
her pride wouldn't allow it.
On that evening, she managed to
sell most of the things
Sighed like drowsy;
she initiated the move to her paradise
I glimpsed through the traces of her
footsteps; the rain stopped
Let my arrow flew to them, I uttered the verse; "It's
going to be a peaceful night"
The sky was turning into darkness; the
clouds were entwining together as a shelter to the sky, and the sun
was ardour to hide behind the sky just like got shy by seeing an
acquaintance. I sat on the corner of a bench in a roadside garden as I was
waiting for her arrival. It had been a long time since the last time I saw her and time by time I was losing my patience that she
wasn't on time. Simultaneously, my mind was mesmerizing with
that ambient scenery, and it was giving me the thought of her, my love.
She didn't like to see the tears in my
graven face as she always vanished it with her tears of joy. Primordially,
there was consistently a person against us who was trying to stop my
relationship with her. Though, she never failed to leave a blissful smile
in my eyes. When she was touching the palm of my hand, she gave a
meaning to my life, and every time she was recalling my soul to say,
"I'm always there whenever you need; I will never leave you alone".
She had never supposed to wear a perfume,
but the natural scent of her aroma was making me unstable, and it popped out my
heart intensely. She was the one who proved to me that age difference doesn't
matter when it comes to love as she was older than me. I was almost walking in
a dreamy land because of the ambient scenery, and I lost myself in her thoughts.
I didn't recognize myself until she was touching my palm, there was lightning
and thundering around me as a sign of my love's arrival. As they were welcoming
her, she was starting to flow from my head to the toe - - The Rain !
Finally, she came, met
and spent some time with me; "It was never going to be an ordinary day".
Don't search me
The day when I'm not with you,
The time when you’re thinking about me,
The hours when you're driving your memories to look behind,
The minutes when your heart is missing me,
The seconds when your eyes are looking for me,
You have to realize I'm always within you as a smile on your lips,
Don't search me
The very next day in my classroom when I
turned right, saw her, and she was exactly opposite to my seat. Even I talked
with her several times, and every-time it was fortuitous. Though I didn't
have any intention to talk with her, but talked with her half-heartily.
Everything was fine until the time; there was a small dispute between us. As
I was really expecting a situation like that, I used of it. I didn't talk with
her and started to avoid her. However, it wasn't even a brawl, it was a
normal talk, and nothing was wrong with her side. In other words, intentionally
I made it as a squabble. From that occasion onwards, I hurt her on various
circumstances until the last day in college. I remember well; she was trying to
talk with me on the last day in my college as usual I ignored and left the
place. At that instant, I thought I wouldn't ever think about her once again in
my life.
After a period of two years, one of the
things happened in my life droves my memory in a few years back, and it
visualized the thoughts of her. As soon I remembered the whole incident happened
between us and examined. I couldn't even answer the questions asked by my
intuition and in the end, really ashamed of my behavior. How much cruel in my
attitude, and I was completely wrong, in my opinion.
It was almost four years; she was trying
to talk with me, but I ignored her every single time. When the time I realized
my mistake, I had an interest to talk with her. A few months later, I
chatted with her on a social-networking site, and she was quite surprised. Even
she didn't believe that I'm talking with her. I didn't ask sorry as whatever I
had been made earlier was completely up to my knowledge. I felt talking with
her is the better way rather than asking sorry, and I did it. It had been a
period of six odd years to realize my mistake and still now I couldn't get the
answer to the question "Why I didn't like her on that first day?"
Until now, I really heartbroken with
my behavior and someday I would tell her "I'm sorry, you’re my
friend"
